A harbour bar on the Landwehrkanal by Maybachufer. Their motto: board always, book never. So stop planning and show the hell up.
Sonnenallee's busiest hummus joint. Order the warm musabaha with whole chickpeas and quit buying that damn supermarket tub.
It used to be an airport. Now it's 300 hectares of park with three legal grill zones, so quit eating chips on your damn sofa.
A Prenzlauer Berg bar built around classic cocktails made with handcrafted spirits. Put down the damn Aperol and go.
The techno temple in an old East Berlin power plant, with Panorama Bar upstairs. The door will probably bounce you, but you'll have a damn story.
A 70-metre stretch of the real Wall with the border strip still intact. Climb the tower and look down at what split this damn city.
Roughly 160 km along where the Wall once circled West Berlin. Do one stretch or the whole damn loop, just start pedalling.
A 47-metre red pop-art tower jammed onto a bridge over Schloßstraße. Empty since 2010 and still weirder than your whole damn week.
A 1942 air-raid bunker that stored Cuban bananas, then became a notorious techno club. Now it's stuffed with damn good contemporary art.
Berlin has over 900 bridges. This Stern und Kreis boat slides under more than 60 of the damn things.
The original is an old public toilet under the U-Bahn at Schlesisches Tor. Yes, you'll queue for a burger where Berliners used to piss.
A beer garden right on the shore of the Neuer See, deep in Tiergarten. Sit under the trees and stop scrolling, for fuck's sake.
People have danced under these chandeliers for over 100 years. Salsa, swing, tango or waltz, so you're out of excuses.
Tenth floor of the 25hours Hotel, staring straight into the zoo's monkey enclosure. Drink like a grown-up for once, damn it.
An old pharmacy on Oranienplatz, now a wine bar with the 1860s woodwork still intact. Better medicine than another damn night in.
A whole museum of video games on Karl-Marx-Allee. You get to play and still brag that you did a damn museum today.
A brewery built from 38 old shipping containers in Gleisdreieck park, with U-Bahn trains rattling past. Beats your shitty sofa.
A Berlin Airlift "raisin bomber" hangs off the roof. Inside there are locomotives, planes and old computers to keep your restless ass busy.
Six halls and more than 400 traders, with Vietnamese kitchens tucked between the wholesale stalls. Your instant noodles can go to hell.
Thai street food stalls every summer weekend, now on Württembergische Straße by Preußenpark. Beats your damn microwave dinner.
Ice cream made in-house since 2010, with flavours like Omas Apfelkuchen and salted caramel. Summer is short, quit wasting it.
A 66-metre hill with a Schinkel monument on top and a 24-metre waterfall down the side. The view is your reward.
A Wedding brewpub with a beer garden, brewing for 25 years. Their beer is only sold at the brewery, so drag your ass up there.
Rafts under 15 hp need no boat license, and most come with a grill. Float the Havel and burn some sausages, you lazy ass.
An inn since 1723, with a beer garden right on the lake shore. Order a Maß and a Weißwurst and pretend you earned it, damn it.
The Allies blew it up after the war, but the railway next door saved the north side. Now it's a hill with a view.
An open-air cinema in the courtyard of Kunstquartier Bethanien. Films run rain or shine, so quit your damn whining about the weather.
A whole museum about possible futures, with a hands-on lab and a rooftop Skywalk. It's a short walk from Hauptbahnhof, so no fucking excuses.
43 hectares of Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Balinese gardens plus a maze, in Marzahn. Worth the S-Bahn ride, you lazy shit.
Berlin's oldest beer garden, pouring under chestnut trees since 1837. The beer in your fridge can't compete.
Start at Kollwitzplatz with its old water tower, then drift through the cafés and bars around it. Hard to fuck this up.
Founded in 1989 by Basic Channel's Mark Ernestus, now in the Kraftwerk building next to Tresor. Buy real vinyl, damn it.
This was the Stasi's central remand prison. Former political prisoners lead some of the tours, so put your damn phone away and listen.
Brewing in an old Friedrichshain butcher shop since 2008, the tiles still on the walls. Unfiltered and a damn sight better than your fridge beer.
Alternative Berlin's pay-what-you-want walks dig into squats, street art and techno. Way better than your damn sofa.
Open since 1907, and the 6th floor alone stocks more than 35,000 foods and wines. Window-shop the hell out of it.
A garden bar on the top deck of a shopping mall car park in Neukölln. DJs, flower boxes and sunset over the damn rooftops.
Family-run since 1930, under the elevated tracks. They claim East Berlin's first currywurst. Shut the hell up and eat one.
A 36°C saltwater pool under a concrete dome, with music playing underwater. Berlin winters are shit, this fixes it.
The Ting family from Taiwan has been cooking noodle soup here since 2003. Get the beef noodle soup and get the hell off the couch.
One of Germany's biggest climbing halls, with over 2,000 square metres of wall in Wedding. Your arms will hate you, your sofa will miss you.
Every Sunday, Friedrichshain dumps books, furniture and old clothes around the square. Come Saturday for the food market instead.
Creatures built from scrap dance, sing and recite poetry in a cellar off Rosenthaler Straße. Weird as hell and done in under half an hour.
Five museums on one island in the Spree, UNESCO World Heritage since 1999. Pick one and stop saying you'll go next week.
A rail yard shut down in 1952 and left to go wild. Now it's 18 hectares of forest, rusty tracks and a 50-metre water tower.
An island in the Havel you can only reach by ferry. The peacocks wander around freely like they own the damn place.
Craft beer bar in Mitte with shuffleboard tables you can book. Slide the puck, drink the beer, lose like hell.
An old Reichsbahn repair yard full of clubs, bars and graffiti. There's a flea market every Sunday, so you're out of excuses.
A long green strip in a glacial valley with the U-Bahn rolling right through it. Lie down, read, and put your damn phone away.
Chicken döner piled with vegetables, or a fully vegetarian one. Beats the hell out of whatever's rotting in your fridge.
One of Berlin's clearest lakes, ringed by forest with a path all the way round. Swim, dry off, then walk the loop like a damn athlete.
Brands and young designers rent its modular pop-up boxes short-term, and the free roof terrace looks into the zoo. Go shop, damn it.
Germany's biggest Soviet war memorial, where 7,000 Red Army soldiers are buried. Nine hectares that make your problems feel tiny.
Every Thursday evening since 2013, Markthalle Neun fills up with food stalls from half the planet. Bring an appetite, not excuses.
Since 2009, total strangers have sung for crowds of hundreds in Mauerpark on summer Sundays. Grab the damn mic.
A 114-metre hill made of war rubble, topped by an old US spy station now covered in street art. Your sofa has nothing on this.
Berlin's oldest and biggest flea market, every Saturday and Sunday by the Charlottenburger Tor. Get out of bed before noon for once, damn it.
The observation deck sits 203 metres up, the highest view in the city. Yes, locals are allowed up there too, damn it.
A Renaissance fortress holding Berlin's oldest secular building. About 10,000 bats use it too, so you're not the only one hiding from daylight.
Berlin's oldest restaurant, serving since 1621. Order the Eisbein and stop pretending your damn salad counts as dinner.